Internet dating has made it easier for single people to meet, but the question remains: is it making it too easy to meet new people? Dating has become a thing of convenience since the Internet made everything so easy. It changed the way we meet people, how many people we meet, and how frequently we meet, but the question remains about what else it has changed. A lot of other aspects of dating are changing; like compatibility, and commitment are being effected by this new online dating world, but what is hard to tell is if these changes are good or bad?
As online
dating increases, commitment decreases. With more options out there, people
chose to explore their options more rather than work on the relationships they
are already invested in. as Jacob in the article said
“I’m about 95 percent certain, that if I’d met Rachel
offline, and if I’d never done online dating, I would have married her. At that
point in my life, I would have overlooked everything else and done whatever it
took to make things work. Did online dating change my perception of permanence?
No doubt. When I sensed the break up coming, I was ok with it… I was eager to
see what else was out there.”
For Jacob, and other online daters out there, the options
are too vast. They never have to settle, to commit, because the Internet will
always provide the option of a better partner. In this sense, the Internet has
made commitment obsolete, however, the question remains of whether there truly
is a better mate out there, or why is commitment such a burden?
Another big
change comes in the importance of compatibility. With online dating sites like
match.com and zoosk, compatibility has become an algorithm. Your personality
likes and dislikes, and desirable traits are all added up and utilized to
decide your potential match rather than you going out and doing that yourself.
This loss of personal evaluation of others has made the whole “getting to know
someone” process seem unnecessary to online daters, and made it so their
relationships can go from strangers to soul mates way too quickly. Why get to
know each other over dinner when you can do it online? Well in this sense, the
whole process of searching is left to more powerful devices. The question that
remains is should we leave it to
them?
Around 1/3
of couples met their partner online. This fact can be scary to some, but uplifting
to those who have a hard time meeting people in real life. One thing’s for
sure, relationships, and the way we view them have changed. People have the
ability to meet each other much more efficiently than before, but is dating
something that needed to be more efficient in the first place? How will this affect
the outcomes of our relationships?
For me, online dating has seemed like a way to trick fate. I feel like meeting someone on the Internet takes away the excitement and destiny-like aspect of meeting someone by chance. In thinking about the “algorithms” that match you up with potential partners, I find them creepy and too mathematical. Who’s to say that the person I fall in love with won’t have a completely different personality than mine, but one that complements it almost perfectly. The fact that we have online dating says a lot about how impersonal society has become. People used to meet future partners in coffee shops or on public transportation but now we are constantly engrossed in our phones, iPods, or other mobile devices and less interested in getting to know the people around us. We still have the desire to make new friends and possibly new romantic relationships. Yet now we are given the option to be lazy and unsociable and simply find these perhaps, according to Turkle, less deep and less meaningful connections as to not be hassled by the realities of a personal relationship.
ReplyDeleteI trust blind fate. I have been married for 21 years to a woman I met while she was out for a walk. She happened to pass the front porch of a mutual friend with whom I was enjoying a drink after a long bike ride.
DeleteWe met that way; had we both been online and inside, I'd not be teaching you now, since marriage brought be back to Richmond.
As for interests? Does it make for a great couple to enjoy all the same things? Perhaps. If not, you find you negotiate and enjoy the differences.
I agree that algorithms tend to create a loss in terms of the value of online dating. While they are useful for matching up people with similar interests such as Jacob and his lady-Packers fan, it is hard (arguably impossible) to measure intangibles that make relationships last. A computer is capable of creating good matches, but are the matches good enough? Given that most customers for online dating sites are return customers, I would say the matches generally aren't good enough. One could argue that the way in which we date is changing, and the quality of matches can't be blamed on the sites. However, the ideas of interaction and courtship still exist and are pertinent to couples. Only time will tell if we become decreasingly monogamous or not.
ReplyDeleteIn addition, what incentive do the dating sites have to create great matches? If the matches truly worked out every time, the companies would lose a majority of its revenue. By creating matches based on likes and dislikes, the sites can nearly predict the return of a customer if Jacob serves as the leading example for the average dating site user.
DeleteI love the images, Leah!
ReplyDeleteIt's hilarious to think that I'm playing match-maker for a friend my age and a former employee, a woman in her late 40s. She let me know that she might like to meet gentlemen I know. They have lots of similar interests and a similar temperament, so I said "why not?"
I feel positively 19th-century. My wife and I are taking them on a blind date in a few weeks. Maybe they'll hit it off and then use Facebook to flirt :)
One of the interesting things about all this is how it may signal the backlash against the "always on" lifestyle that Turkle predicts in the final part of her book. Both of these friends are very good with social media, texting, and other aspects of digital communications.
But they both love the old-timey idea of a blind date. If either pulls out a smart phone at dinner, I'm going to tip over a beer on it.
I read a piece of news that Sam Yagan and Chris Coyne created an OKCupid free app on Android and iPhone. Okcupid applies data generated by users’ profiles, as well as their answers to questions. If you want to date others, you click the recommend bar or café on the app, and plug in time. Then you simply left all other tasks for OkCupid. OkCupid matches people who got the same preference; uses algorithms to calculate the highest probability that matches your favor; provides the matched contact information for you. If you succeed in dating, you need you pay three dollars for Okcupid service. The Internet makes it easier for single people to meet others whom they might be compatible, raising the bar for what they consider a good relationship. However, I am concerned the illusive compatibility created in 20 minutes’ dating. Are people seeking more physical intimacy and less commitment? I am worried about the aftermath if OkCupid becomes a predominant way of dating.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this article, I think it is very possible that the increase in dating website has attributed to increase in divorce rates and the drop in marriages. However, there are other ways in which society has changed that have affected this also. This article cited the availability of more prospects as a reason for the failing of marriages. If we look at the history of the advancement of society in general, however, people are becoming more mobile, and society is becoming more urban. In the days where people simply lived on farms, I can’t imagine the average person would meet more than twenty potential husbands/wives. Nowadays, we live in environments with more people, and often people move around in their lives. We are meeting more and more people. I don’t think we can only blame dating sites for this trend.
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ReplyDeleteI find it difficult to digest the fact that we are making generalizations about the entire online-dating community by the example of a single person. And what further irks me is that we, the readers, joyfully agree whatever is presented to use without contemplating. After all, the information presented to us is from a blog, whose writer is after all a journalist and not an accredited academia. I believe more research must be conducted regarding the matter of online dating. And the research should be conducted with participants from all over the world so that we can compare the results. This will help us find out whether we should blame the technology, or the norms and values that we retain that is causing a shift in our love lives.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that bothers me about dating sites is that they pair people based on their similarities. However, I believe attraction to another person is far more complicated than some sort of matching equation. There can be couples of completely opposite interests, opinions, and tastes but still be good for each other. I think a major issue with modern day dating is that many people are obsessed with finding the "perfect match" or their soul "soul mate," but what really defines those terms? Because of this, I feel those same people shy away from commitment in a relationship because they may constantly be wondering if another person is a more perfect match or not.
ReplyDeleteOnline dating is as strange concept to me. I dont think that we need mathematical equations to tell us who to date. But, it proves hard for some people to resist technology that could make it easier for them to find someone. At the same time many people who using dating sites dont appear to have relationships in mind according to the article. Once they see how easy it can be , lasting relationships dont seem as important.
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